I recently wrote a blog, ‘Paradigm Shift’ about my experience facing my abuse. This is the poem that will be stapled on top of my abuser’s file in the school archive. It is called ‘Life’. I very much hope it helps you all.

So Malcolm you created a wound
And inside me it’s been festering
Now it is full of malignant venom
That’s the chalice

Looks so shiny in the round,
And appears to benignly bind us
Now comes the time to let it go
That’s the trick

You had it your way for three long
Years plus thirty
You hid insidious as a snake
That’s plain sight

So Malcolm you forced on me your choice
And yes I have survived despite despicable yours
How could you know how deeply you trespassed
That’s the choice

Looks like time approaches for me to make mine
And I will in time
How patience, perseverance, compassion, care are magic
That is healing

I struggled to admit you were ever there
I admitted you were then your power grew
I beat myself up
I always did but never knew why
What you did was my fault
I deserved to be punished. More so if
I could still not understand
I lived scared of being sent back to you by the people
I love
I face it.
I struggle
I writhe myself free of your insidious grip
I crash.
I burn.
Something triggers. Nothing learned.
I try I try I try
I face you where you wronged me
I turn the tables, exhausted, empty
Not energy that’s leaving me but you, finally you

Now you shrivel. Your power ebbs, your insidious grip flags
Chop off Hydra’s Head and two more sprout in its place
Decapitate your snake and it lies dead like you
but still entwined around my whole being
Strangling my creativity, zest,
Like a virus, neither dead nor living
Thriving in the airless dark

Months pass after I face you
By talking, listening, caring, daring, slowing down, feeling
And the guiding light of angel survivors
I realise blame IS venom’s chalice
Responsibility IS control, choice
And Forgiveness IS ultimate power
You can’t chase me now. I chase you
But hate and chase forever then your choice twists and deforms all of my time
You made your choice in night’s dark, airless, lurking hidden & shrouded
I make mine now proud in day’s air and light whispering humble forgiveness
And now hope for something I could never dare to.
Life