When is it ok to accept me? – A poem
Our group work client Matthew B recently wrote a poem after attending one of our Get Together group sessions, a regular open group where survivors can chat and check in with each other in an informal, safe environment. Matthew said he was inspired to write the following, powerful poem by some of the conversations in the breakout room.
When is it ok to accept me?
I feel like I have to meet these standards,
And not just catch up to where I should be.
Let’s fight to find a sense of identity.
When is it ok to accept me?
I have been in the pit of hell.
I was broken and had no power.
I had to suffer enough to see; I was the only one with power to not accept me.
To climb.
To refuse.
To deny horror.
To fight.
I saw I had to deny and reject the person I was to climb,
Even when it hurt,
Especially when it hurt,
Because I wanted to see anything but darkness.
It’s easy to have courage when you stand in the light.
But now I know it’s time to fight a war with myself.
But now, I am not accepting me.
I didn’t know who I was, so how can I accept me?
How do I face the screaming silence of where I should be?
I decided to fill that space with what I think I am.
I filled that space with my priorities.
Those priorities inform my choices.
My choices and priorities are who I am.
When is it ok to accept me?
No one can come in and tell me.
I have to tell myself.
But when is it ok to accept me?
– Matthew B
